Sentimental Freak

Allow me to share a small part of my life story.

I left Singapore in my mid-teens to study in Australia. I spent in total about 7 years there. I took up a degree course which at the time had dubious recognition in Singapore, but carried on anyway, because my mental state then was "why bother, since I will not be living and working in Singapore at all".

When I returned to serve NS, I took a non-chalent approach. Refusing to train before the call-up, I allowed my fitness to degenerate, and ended up failing my first IPPT. I was enlisted into the PoP batch, where additional weeks were spent on pure physical training. Initially, I was unmoved. I went through the motion, and decided I would just "get by" NS without committing too much.

But, a series of events would change my outlook forever.

The first influential event was when I had a slight fever on the night when we were supposed to have Night PT. To those who know, Night PT was a killer. So, in a way, I was "glad" I came down with the fever. I happily lay on my bunk bed, congratulating myself, while I could hear the shouts of my comrades from the parade square echo around the walls of the camp. I was relishing the moment. Then, something happened. My section instructor walked in, and asked if I was ok. He took out a thermometer and checked my temperature. Seeing that my fever had not subsided, he gave me water, patted my shoulder and said, "Take a good rest." In that instant, his professionalism, sincerity and care struck me. And I felt so embarrassed.

The next incident happened weeks later (still in BMT), when a platoon commander from another platoon commented to me that he had found out that I was an overseas graduate. He suggested that I should work towards going to the OCS, as that the Army would need "someone like you as an Officer".

I felt that I could not let my Sergeant and the Officer down. Both were sincere and professional in their treatment towards me, and looked beyond my physical weakness and encouraged me on.

Eventually, I was posted to the OCS. When I was greeted by the OCS Instructor, I told him my fear. I said that I was weak fitness-wise, and only managed to pass the IPPT in the final weeks of BMT. I asked if I could survive OCS. He showed me his Silver IPPT badge, and told me that he was the only Officer in his cohort not to get a Gold. He, like me, had started from a low base. But, he persevered and was commissioned as an Officer. Fitness can be easily trained, he said, but it is the mental state that counts.

I will not lie. OCS was almost like Hell to me. I suffered a lot because of my poor fitness. Very often, I was the among the stragglers coming back from a route march, or struggling to pass the SoC tests, or needing the instructors to encourage me all the way to the end point of a long-distance run.

During transition from a junior cadet to a senior cadet, we had to do an early morning turn-out and fast-marched to one of the knolls at the Army training ground. Standing at the summit, one could see the industrial estates on one side and the army training area on the other. The OC greeted us when we arrived just before dawn, and made a speech that would change my life forever. It was probably a speech that was drafted by a propangandist, and a speech that has been repeated to many generations of cadets before me. Nonetheless, it touched me. Pointing first to the army training ground and then to the industrial area, he said "We are training here, so that we can defend what is over there."

Finally, I saw light. As the sun rose from among the Jurong hills, I suddenly realised what all these mean. It is about having a Home, and doing everything it takes to maintain it. It is a kind of emotional connection that defies even logic. Like how a newborn baby instinctively knows when her mother is carrying her. Our heartstrings are tied to Singapore, whether you are conscious of it or not. At that moment, I was conscious of it. The image of my caring segeant patting my shoulders, and the officers who kept faith in me and encouraged me despite the odds, flashed across my eyes. I could not let them down.

In the end, I made it. I was commissioned as an Officer. I don't think even my parents could believe it. Yes, I barely scraped through by OCS standards. And even today, I still have trouble with my IPPT. But, whenever I serve my reservist, I serve it with Pride. It is the mental state that counts, remember. I am proud to be Singaporean, and will defend the nation with my Life.